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21.8.11

Everybody's doing it


Everybody's writing about the sex they are not having thanks to this young(enough) lady. Suddenly the blogs are alive with the sound of women lamenting their inability to have sex with their husbands after children.

ZzzzZRrrrrip!

That SO didn't come out right. I meant 'have sex with their husbands since having children'... oh, you know what I mean.

This is one of those topics that fall into the 'letting it all hang out' category. Kerrie is the queen of this particular blogging category. She often posts on the ups and going-downs of her sex life. She's really funny, especially when she talks about her husbie wanting it A LOT more than she does, but I'm actually amazed at the number of women who have commented on some of these posts saying how grateful they are that someone is finally talking about this issue.

Really?

Is it really an 'issue' we need to 'discuss'? Because as far as I'm concerned the only person you really need to talk to about your lack of sex is your partner. Although I was extremely happy to read this post over at Peta-Jo's dealing with the fact that some guy who Peta-Jo's husband works with (yeah, yeah, I know) actually pays his wife to have sex with him. He gets two freebies a month and then it's $50 a go, apparently, so she's a lot cheaper than a hooker.

Anyway, as I said on Baby Mac's post, if you're not having enough sex then forgodsake just have sex already. Stop over-analysing it or fretting about it or avoiding it or feeling guilty about it. It's definitely one of those things in life where less talk, more action is required. Just get naked and get close up.  Amazing things happen, sometimes two amazing things in one night.*

Just don't tell me about it afterwards, okay?


Do you want to hear about other people's sex lives?
Do you think it's an issue that needs discussing?
And do you think you'd put out more if your partner paid you?

* And thank you so much for sharing that, Beth.

[Image found here]

52 comments:

Squiggly Rainbow said...

Quite funny! I would not accept money for sex, and I think it is actually over-rated how much attention it is given as far as lacking or getting is concerned - although good sex is good - it is not the be all and end all of a relationship... I've been listening to a Brooke Fraser song lately - about marriage... one of the lines is "real love, is hard love".... Sure men often say they can't do without it - well - if they need do - get a grip and don't be selfish.... Marriage after having children is different in so many ways - not just sex....

I haven't come across the issue in the blogworld - some school mums and I may have a giggle once in a blue moon.... I agree it really is between the two partners - but we are all different.

Interesting blog today! xx Rach

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

This getting paid to have sex lark, I could do that. Only with t'husband mind, anyone else would just be wrong.

trudi@maudeandme said...

Getting paid by the husband had myself and my husband in stitches. Hilarious!!! Just what I needed at the end of a not such a great day.
But yeah I don't really need/want to hear details about other people's sex lives either.

Jane said...

Haha there definitely appears to be a lack of sex happening in the blog world at the moment!

I don't mind hearing about people's sex lives, as long as ...
a) there isn't too much detail - yucky!
b) it's done with lots of humour (a la Beth)

I've read some blogs in the past (not naming names) where sex is discussed waaaaay too openly and far too often. It's made me want to stop reading because I just feel awkward.

In moderation, like anything, sex talk is OK with me

xxx

A Farmer's Wife said...

I think it is a time where the "Nike approach" is called for.

Just Do It.

therhythmmethod said...

I think there is a time in your family life when sex is the last thing on your mind. And I guess it takes a little while for some to get back on the horse (so to speak). You're right, guilt does no one any good.
And I think I would divorce my husband if he ever suggested payment for sex. What is he, my sugar daddy?

Seana Smith said...

Haha... very pertinent subject for many. There was a post on the Hoopla about this and I made a long comment about how hubby once said (MANY years ago): 'It'll be fine when you get going.' So true! It is generally fine when you get going, so as others have said- don't think about it, just do it.

I actually think that sex of pretty important... can't think of much else that I do just with hubs... no, it's the one thing that's unique to us... also, even when not great, it's good enough and I'm all for that in all spheres.

And - ahem - on that note, I must depart for an - ahem - very early night.

Down that Little Lane said...

I think the only good thing to come from blogging about is to know you are not alone but analysing the ifs, how's and why's along with too many details is not goig to do much for your actual sex life but waste precious time...

Get naked people, kids awake, kids asleep just don't think it through and feel the love!

Lizeylou said...

Cant wait to go and read BabyMacs post. Sounds like a ripper!!

Julie said...

In theory I don't like hearing about other people's sex lives, but for some reason when these posts pop up in my reader, they get my full attention...!

But I agree... maybe we would all do better in this area if we got off our computers and into bed a little earlier in the evening.

Miss Pink said...

I don't mind a little sex talk, but I don't like to go too into it myself personally. I feel like it's breaking a confidence of such.

Caroline said...

I think the fact that women have the strength and couage to discuss something that was a unheard subject for women to discuss is a breath of fresh air....as long as it is done in the way that Beth has done it. A lot of detail can be more porn story like and that just feels wrong. As for the getting paid....i could see the upside of it, but i dont think i could do it.

Sammie said...

What happens behind closed doors should stay behind closed doors...

Voluptacon said...

Definitely share! People blog about the most mundane crap, why not mundane and crap sex as well!
Strangely enough I wrote my own post last week about not getting it:

http://voluptacon.blogspot.com/

I must be ahead of the trends :P

The Mother Experiment said...

Lol. Nice toaster cartoon. I wouldn't write about it, and I haven't actually stumbled across anyone talking about it on the blogs I follow. Tends to get a bit of a work out on twitter though. It's just one of those things...

MummyK said...

I only want to know about celebrity sex lives, not my friends or ppl I know. I don't want the mental pic.

Alice Becomes said...

1. Don't care either way
2. Does everything have to be an issue, these days?
3. Not on your life

These answers probably make me sound like a gigantic prude but seriously stop talking about it and just do it...Or don't do it.

Gill x

Diminishing Lucy said...

No comment.

Enough said.

xx

Permanently twenty three said...

Happy to read about and hear other people talk about sex. But just don't give me TMI. I don't need to know the deets, thanks peeps.

Valid point too ... sometimes it's best if we JFDI (just fucking do it).

Great blog btw Maxabella. Have been living under a rock and have only just discovered you. I love the way you write. Original and thought provoking. xx

Posie Patchwork said...

I don't get it, having children didn't change our sex life one bit, in fact, after months of morning sickness, we were clearly having a whole lot more sex, 4 children later, da dah, they sleep, we have sex, simple. Now they are older we've had to say (like to the high schooler) "guess what, Mum & Dad have sex, so please knock, it's that simple" & trust me, there is zero tension in our relationship. It doesn't always have to be amazing or wild or long, you'll be amazed at how little time or effort fun sex actually takes.
Sex is a habit, the more you have the more fun, easier, natural & possible it is, children or not. At the end of the day it burns calories, puts your husband to sleep so you can get back up & do things you want like watch SATC or blog, easy!! Win win. Love Posie

joeh said...

I think that is horrible! $50??

I only charge my wife $25.

I don't need to read of others sex lives, but if you insist on writting about it, go very slowly and use detail.
thx

Cranky Old Man

MonetPaisley said...

I have yo show my husband babymacs post and all the comments. Whenever he complains, I tell him he should be greatful.... Now I have some proof.

I hate to say this but I worry that if husbands arent getting it from their wives... Eventually they'll get it somewhere else.

It's all about communication, we need to talk about it with our partners so that we are both on the same page.

Lori Alexander said...

I am with you, Maxabella, just do it! Women don't "feel" like getting up in the middle of the night when their baby cries but they just do it because it is the right thing to do. You may not "feel" like having sex with your husband often, but just do it because it is the right thing to do. They have LOTS of testosterone and want a lot of sex. That is the way they are created and they are going to get it one way or another...So it best be with you!!! It keeps them happy and it really doesn't take that long.

Anonymous said...

My friend uses "more than the usual amount of sex" as a way to get luxury goods. She's awash in Gucci, YSL & Chanel. As much as I'd love a Prada handbag, there's no way I would use sex as a bargaining tool.

Mum on the Run said...

Maybe if we all got off the www. and 'on the job' there wouldn't be an 'issue'.
Hee hee.
:-)

Mum on the Run said...

P.S. Hubby couldn't afford me.
Ha ha ha ;-)

erin said...

hey, he pays me. maybe not with money, but other ways......

Marion Williams-Bennett said...

To blog about your sex life, or your lack of sex is up to you, but I hope that if people do blog about it, they check in with their partner first! Maybe less blogging, more sex is the way to go.

I find the paying thing to be ridiculous and just a bit humiliating for both of them. Either you want sex or you don't...bringing in payment to the equation minimizes her value. What happens when he's willing to pay, but even then she doesn't want sex? Just find some one else who's willing for $50?

Anonymous said...

Hi! I read your blog post. I want to tell you about my story. I got married when I was 23. I live on the eastern side of the globe. I was undeniably pretty and my husband had married me after 8 long years of a love affair. We were from good families and reserved the intimacies for after marriage. Im two years into marriage now but I have never had sex with him. Apparently he has trouble with it. I stayed with him all this while, making a home for him, being a real friend rather than just a typical wife. But in the end, what I got was I became just a friend rather than a friend. I'm still a virgin. My heart is crushed to pieces because I gave him my whole life at such a young age and he couldn't even love me back. He never loved me enough to go to the doc and get himself checked. What do you say about a case such as this?

Regards,
Anonymous.

Lori Alexander said...

Dear Anonymous,

If you have not even consummated the marriage, you are not married in God's eyes...the purpose becoming of becoming one flesh. My advice to you...LEAVE! Get out!

Ajax said...

I am too private a person to blog about my sex life! I think it should be an intimate loving thing between a married couple and talking about it outwardly to the anonymous public somehow cheapens things.

Jodi @ The Scribble Den said...

There is no way I would blog about my sex life but that is just me and my blog.
It doesn't freak me out when others do as long as it is done either tactfully or with an element of humour.
Each to their own I guess.

Looking for Blue Sky said...

It's all about the stats isn't it?

Gina said...

I agree. If you are having issues with your partner/sex life then blogging about it won't really solve the issues. I guess people just want a little solidarity - to know that other women feel the same way...

edenland said...

Maxabella, are YOU the one that wrote "for gods sake, just get naked and stop thinking about it???"

Because I owe you a thank you - remind me to tell you about it sometime. Heh.

Karen Wilson said...

It's the sort of thing that's good to talk about sometimes (to someone other than your partner). Sometimes if you can get it off your chest then you can just move on, or it's nice to know that other people are going through the same thing and you're not weird....

BUT.....

I think it's definitely a 'best friend chat over a cuppa' sort of thing, not a blog thing.

I only want to hear about my friend's sex lives if it's upsetting them and I can help them by listening.

Vee said...

got here via the next button on blogger.... love your posts...

BabyMac said...

Every day I blog about stuff going on in my life - that's what my blog is about and what (I think) people have come to expect from it. It's full of swearing, its full of the joys of motherhood and sometimes the hard parts of being married. If that includes a post about my (lack of) sex life, then that's that. If anyone knew me in real life they would know that I would talk about this stuff to them too.

It's NEVER about stats (HA!).

Should I be HAVING sex and not blogging about it? Maybe. Sure! But do I like to get stuff out, share and encourage conversations about stuff that people might not talk about? Sure! That's me. Like it or lump it (or don't read it!). That's the joy of blogs you can read what you like, and skip over the bits that you don't want to read.

Thank GOODNESS we are all different.

Maxabella said...

We love you, Beth. Don't be grumpy.

And why is everyone talking about stats?

x

Penny-lee-R said...

Firstly thx for following my most of the time unattended blog....I have just found Babymac/ Bev's blog..As you do if your me and its not too far back I go to the first entry (what a journey it has been, finally got to easter this year).Now to your last post hmmmmmmm getting paid? now thats a thought ( just a short thought tho)after 8 kids and 27 yrs.. I'm happy to stick to a good feeling of a hot cuppa tea and my laptop full of blogging happiness to get through, with a dash of 60 seconds sex thrown in there when I have to....shit! did I type this out loud?....cheers

Penny-lee-R said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen R said...

Too funny, I have been a single Mum for over a year now so sex doesnt even register on my radar!!
Each to their own, do what makes you feel good, with whoever makes you feel good and to get paid ....Bonus!!

ally said...

Had to come and read this instead of the hot/cold post - and then got a bit side-tracked with the links - and then maybe wished I hadn't!
I'm a not talker about this - about everything else but not sex. And I do not even want to think about being paid for it.
And I'd rather be cold too :-)

Tamra {walkswithBella} said...

That is the funniest cartoon!!! Perfect LOLs this morning!

Stacey said...

Best saved for a group of good girlfriends or the man himself! Call me a prude but I don't like to kiss and paste all over the web!!!
xx

The Beetle Shack said...

The perfect read for a 3.14 feed with the lady baby. As for discussing my sex life, I'll save that for a boozy night with you and beth... Or maybe we could just talk about the weather.

Xo em

Ps- my clothes smell like play dough.

Simoney said...

Hmmm, letting it all hang out re sex is not where I want to go on my blog.
My hubby would have kittens if I discussed this publicly - especially since his whole extended family in the UK read my blog.
I think some things are best left to the imagination.
But I appreciate it when others talk about it.
it makes me feel a bit more "normal" that others are not swinging from the chandeliers that often either.
I read BabyMac's post nervously and then wondered if my kids might be on the computer and spot the word "SEX" and click...
My nearly-9-year-old boy was introduced to the subject of "sexing" by a classmate with full details disclosed by said classmate.
I am wondering if maybe I should do a post about THAT.
Enough of the grownup sex, how about an 8 year old who reckons he's "sexing" his girlfreind???
Ugh.
x

edenland said...

Hmmm .... stats huh? So if I blog about anal I guess my stats would go through the ROOF.

Tomorrows blog post? Sorted.

Thanks Beth and Maxabella!

xo

Cecilia @ Parenting Controversy said...

On the topic of wives not putting out often enough/men not getting enough sex at home...

This week a friend of mine was propositioned by a married man from Sydney who flies up to Brisbane almost weekly for work. He offered to wine and dine her and have her stay with him at luxury hotels each time he's in town to meet the demands of a libido that is higher than his wife's.

Apparently, over the past 4 months she's had over a dozen similar offers via online dating sites, mostly from men who travel interstate for work.

Who knows what the mousy wives are doing when hubby jets off, but there's a hellava lot of cats who play while they're away.

Kelly said...

Totally agree...just get naked, and see what happens xo

georgi said...

this was interesting for me to read. I kind of agree, kind of don't.. I like to choose what I post and respect that others have the right to choose too. If I don't want to read it I don't. In real life I talk to my friends about sex openly and they do the same to me. i think it's important to talk about sex - perhaps it's because I'm a younger generation and it's important to feel comfortable to talk about sex, especially when someone has concerns about what may or may not be normal .. Just the other day a close friend of mine said they really appreciated my relaxed and open attitude to talking about sex and said they were going to try and make an effort to be the same way .. thanks for the thought provoking post! x

Brenda @ Mira Narnie said...

haha! a post not about sex!

well, on that note I'm off to bed.

Hubbbbbyyyyy where are youoooooouuuuuu!!!!

xx

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